Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I need a burrito and a hug.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
