I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
