what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
