I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
