girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
