I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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