My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
