It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
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