you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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