we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
