Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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