get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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