Kareoke will never be a sober sport
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
