I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
