"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
