I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
