Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
