I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
