I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
