I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
