Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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