no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
