Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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