How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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