I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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