ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
