my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
