Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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