If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
