last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
