This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
