I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
