Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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