I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
