There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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