last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
being pregnant is like rehab
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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