I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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