so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
