I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
