if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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