you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
