i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
