who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
There are leaves in my underwear?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
