I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
