so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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