At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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