xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you didnt know i had herpes?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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