Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
