You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
