I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
