He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
