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never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
