so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
